Slaphead in a GTI

It is no secret that the standard of driving in the UAE leaves something to be desired. Rarely a day goes by that one does not see some act of motoring lunacy. These include such delights as undertaking; tail-gating; driving ridiculously fast; driving ridiculously slow; and the classic ‘I’m-in-the-wrong-lane-and-need-to-swerve-across-4-lanes-of-traffic-whilst-on-my-mobile-phone’ maneuver.

As a result of these wonderful quirks, and an oddly widespread reluctance to wear seatbelts or use car seats for children, the mortality rate on the roads here leaves something to be desired, with approximately 1000 deaths in 2008. This is as compared with around 3000 in the entire United Kingdom.

This situation is not overly surprising when one considers the demographic make-up of the UAE and the fact that driving culture and education owe much to India, Asia and the Arab World. As infuriating as some of the driving can be, one has to consider the underlying reasons and consider that most drivers are utterly unaware that they are driving like deranged baboons.

This is why I find it particularly infuriating when I see inconsiderate and aggressive driving from those expatriates who should really know better – i.e. from countries whose roads do not resemble war-zones.* Today I had the pleasure of encountering two such individuals. The first was a 4×4 bully who wanted us to mow down a group of pedestrians so he wouldn’t be delayed for 3 seconds as he pulled into a petrol station forecourt. The second was a middle-aged bald man in a GTI attempting to recapture his youth by driving like a tit through the development where we live.**

The sad thing is that cultural exchange doesn’t always work the way we’d like it to.  In an ideal world such interaction would always lead to the best of both worlds: fusion cuisine (chicken tikka masala/thai curry in a pub etc.) or popular culture with a juicy hint of exoticism (Sting/Paul Simon/Slumdog Millionaire etc).  Unfortunately it can also lead to the worst of both worlds. In this case people who should know better deciding to drive like penises because they’ve picked up the bad habits of those around them.

* – Before I get accused of cultural relativism here, I’m not saying that it’s ever acceptable, only that sometimes it’s more (or less) understandable.

**- I know where you live.

“I’m from the government and I’m here to help…”

On the immensely long list of things that irritate me, unnecessary government intrusion into education ranks pretty high. So imagine my annoyance this week at this.

Extreme interference from external agencies that affected the school’s independence has resulted in the resignation of the headmaster.Carlo Ferrario of the Dubai College sent an email to the students’ parents on Sunday informing them that he had submitted the resignation to the Board of Governors, effective at the end of the current academic year.

And this:

Education Minister Humaid Mohammed Al Qatami has affirmed that there is a vision to nationalise private schools in the UAE.He intends to raise the issue at a meeting with the heads of private schools next month. The affirmation came in response to queries at the second ordinary session of the Federal National Council (FNC) on Tuesday. The Minister of State for FNC Affairs, Dr. Anwar Gargash, was present.

It is not private sector education in the UAE that requires the KHDA’s urgent attention, and Dubai College certainly does not need any input or oversight in this regard, as their A-Level results demonstrate. The KHDA clearly suffers from the delusion that they are better equipped to make decisions than both parents and school management. It is an act of regulatory arrogance to dictate fee rate changes to schools and parents.

What makes this entire episode even more galling is that it is not as if the KHDA can justify its interference by pointing to an effective public educational system in the UAE. The public schools do not compare well to Dubai College. Don’t take my word for it, look at the opinions voiced at the Dubai School of Government and the Abu Dhabi Education Council. Oh, and also the World Bank.

According to statistics compiled by the World Bank for its Knowledge Economy Index, which measures the ability of countries to generate and adopt knowledge, the UAE ranks 77th out of 132 countries in education despite having a Dh7 billion (US$1.9bn) education budget.*

And the speaker of the house at the Federal National Council and CEO of Mashreq Bank:

Abdul Aziz Al Ghurair, speaker of the house at the Federal National Council and CEO of Mashreq told delegates that the challenge would not be to fill 100 million jobs, but to find 100 million employable candidates to fill the positions.

“Most college graduates we see are not fit for international standards and we have had to lower our standards and give them a year’s worth of training to make sure they are fit for the jobs we have.”

As you can see, I am hardly voicing controversial sentiments here.

So please KHDA et al., let the private schools get on with what they’re doing and leave their regulation up to the people with the most incentive to care: the parents. You will then be free to devote your energies and resources where they are really needed.

(*It might be simpler to just scrap the public school system altogether and give the parents vouchers as in Sweden. Let the parents choose what their priorities are rather than arguing about it amongst ourselves. Dh 7 billion as a budget – does anyone out there know how many UAE Nationals of school age there are?)

A small sampling error…

Business surveys can be interesting and useful – up to a point. Unfortunately some companies just can’t help overdoing it and descending into irrelevance.

This is one of those cases.

Must. Try. Harder.